Day by day

I have my basics ready and will from today swap from blogg/journal provider.
The new address will be http://Mar456.bravejournal.com
My old entries here will stay accesable. I might try to set them over, but have to find out how ;-)
See you on the new address, I hope! Good luck to all of you!

If it had not been that they are on their holiday, I would have been in Holland right now. Today my father has become 60 years. Happy birthday dad!!! :-)))
Hope you had a very nice day till now.
Last evening I sent him a sms before going to bed, telling him he should safe that one till midnight. I didn't manage to stay up that long. This morning he got a real birthday hug on his phone.
I haven't got much to tell, at the moment. It's busy at work, but it makes the time pass fast. I long for Saturday, when Geir Olav will come over. It feels like I haven't seen him in ages, but that probably has to do with so many things happening around me. It was good to hear that Sharon got a steady contract now. Finally some security. From here and up again :-). Carolien is settled down in her new house. She had help when she arrived here (her date worked out very nice, as I understood, hahaha). I am happy for her sake.

Now I think I will get a shower in the hope I will wake up a little. I feel quite sleepy at the moment zzzzzzzzz ;-)

One of the loggs I am following is from a woman in the Philippines (see my links here). Tomorrow her little daughter is having her first schoolday. She has been writing about her feelings concerning this. I have been thinking about her a lot, and about what she might go through. She is a real good writer, so it's easy to follow her feelings. I am not a mum, except for my cats. I always wanted to be, but there is where life not always brings what we hope for. I might come back to this later, but not now. The reason actually that I came to tell and think about Espie is, that today I got a note from my own mum, a sms. She is in Portugal now, coming back this week. I sent her a hug and a kiss, and got back that she misses me.
My parents and I have a great relationship. Open and honest, loving and caring. And I always miss them, since I moved here. Having a child is letting them go. Every parent knows that. My parents did. After they knew that I would move to Norway, they helped me all the way they could. My mum was not always able to. The emotions were to big, to heavy. Her only child left.... overseas
How heavy it has been for my dad I could see the day I finally left. I will never forget his face...
But they knew that I have my own live and let me go, but how is it the other way around? Can you ever let your parents go...? I can't... we are to close for that. There is nothing we can't discuss... It's not that we were 'sticky'; It could happen we didn't see each other for weeks, and that was still ok. And sometimes it was just that they were around and I suddenly got a message: 'are you home, can we stop by for a coffee?'
My parents are my mum and dad, but they are also my friends.
This sms of my mum..... it hit me... Having a child is letting go, all the time, but in cases like this I am happy I will never encounter the 'letting go' that my parents had to.
Espie made me realize that, but also Sharon, who's mum has left again for the middle east...
I just want to say now and here: mamsi, papsi, I miss you too, and I love you. Thanks for always being there when I need you!

This afternoon I started writing here, but all my text went pffff into thin air. Just lost. So I better give it a new shot now.
Yesterday I was to tired to write. No inspiration or lust. I slept around the clock and feel a lot better now. Got good news from Sharon: she finally got a job! It's not full time, but it's a start. I am really happy for her :-D Congratulations Sis!
Also Carolien mailed me. Her car is fully packed. Tomorrow evening she will arrive here (at least if the car doesn't sink through his wheels during the trip up here). Strange idea. All this time we talked over the mail, and now she will move up here, living around ten minutes from my place. Life is full off surprises.
My guestbook is a good example of that. Las week I had an entry from some one that I met some years ago, we lost track after I moved to Norway, but he found me back through Google. And now today I really had to go back in time. Almost 30 years back to be precise. The brother of my very first boyfriend found my homepage. I recognized his name immediately, and really had to laugh about it. So nice! I don't know how old we were exactely, but I must have been around nine or ten years old :-) I found an old picture from us with their younger sister.


Rob (Robbie), Angelique, Marcel and me

This was a long and intensive day. Lot's of ideas came up and needed to be thought over and finally written down as clear as possible. If it will work out I don't know yet. Right now I feel just totally empty. It would be so nice to just sit on the sofa, crawl in Geir Olav's arms and lay my head on his shoulder! Relaxing in the warmth of our love. Instead I think I will go to bed early. We won't see each other this weekend. He will leave for Sweden tomorrow. Don't think we will meet again before next Saturday.
Well... I need to do things here, so my time will be occupied anyhow. It's just the evenings that become sometimes a little lonely. The cats don't say that much back :-)

Again a day that flew by. Before I knew it the clock showed 14:35. And it wasn't even a hectical day. Just normal. Not for my colleagues though... The circus has started... our first serie of groups (French) arrived yesterday in Oslo. The season really has begun. It's nice to know that their first impression was a good one. The weather is extreme nice at the moment.
My mind is making jumps tonight. Call it restless. Memories are passing by. Some are good, some are bad. It's good to know that even the bad ones always have a positive result in the end: we learn from them. A person that I lost contact with found my homepage and contacted me again. It's like he said... we become older and wiser. Everybody has certain memories, bad experiences, that they rather would do without. I also have a couple of them, but I also know that I wouldn't be the person that I am now without them. Those same experiences made me stronger. Maybe at certain points also a little bitter, but I think that a little bit of bitterness is also a part of life. As long as you know it and can control it. Bitterness should not change you in a grumpy old troll. Life is sometimes a fight and at certain points you might even find that there is no ending to this fight. It can take years. Afterwards you might realize that during this fight there actually have been many beautiful moments. That is one of the things I have learned... to cherish those moments... not afterwards, but the moment they occur. They make the fight a little lighter. I have learned it is ok to feel week sometimes, to cry. Feeling that you don't want to go on. Cry yourself to sleep and wake up the next morning, looking like hell. The world and the fight will be still there, but your mind is probably much more at ease. Try to see those moments that bring some joy. It may be small things, like a compliment from a friend or colleague, a little bird that crosses your path and sings its song, the sun, a couple in love, a smile from an old lady in the street, a song on the radio, a nice mail... It might be that it makes you also somewhat sad in your heart, but it probably also gives you a smile... if only in your heart...
Life can be a smile and a tear, sunshine and rain, a bitch and an angel, dark and light...
It's a combination and worth a fight: there are to many beautiful moments...

And now I better stop writing, before I really start to get melancholic. My mind sees to many memories, with a tear and a smile :-)

Yes, I am back in Oslo again, after a long and beautiful weekend in Skien. We had just splendid weather! It's a pity that the garden by now really has turned in a jungle, so we hardly had the change to sit there. You need high boots to protect your legs against the thistles and nettles. The rest of the 'jungle' actually has a lot of charm. High trees and bushes, just growing wild. Some with flowers, some with dark leaves, others with light. But a place to sit..... no
So, on saturday we just went out. Had a ride through town and looked for the office I had my interview today. Before that we visited a 'streetcar' meeting. It's funny that Geir Olavs enthousiasm makes me start to like to watch these different cars, and even make me start becoming interested. My questions and remarks stay put to: 'I like the color/shape', 'wow', 'how ugly', 'what kind of car is this?', though :-) He explains a lot to me out of himself.
The rest of the weekend we took it a little at ease. We had to, since I strained a muscle in my left rib area. Don't ask me how, beacuse I have no clue at all! It's the second time it happens, and makes moving, sneezing, coughing and even breathing and talking to a very painful thing to do. Don't even talk about sleeping... laying down makes it only worse. So I kept a low profile. Yesterday I was able to sit for a while on the balcony with a book and enjoy the sun.
Today I had my interview. It went very well, but as suspected, there are no jobs at this moment. I am now in their database. They liked my education and work-experience a lot, but as I already knew: the fact that I am a foreigner is not in my advance. I just will continue searching *sigh* :-)
And now I am back in Oslo again. It's crazy, but it's cold inside here. Outside it's 20 degrees, and inside you need a sweater. The big veranda that my landlord has build might be very pretty, but it does no good here. It's a little of a damper after the warm and light atmosphere that the house in Skien has. I consider that house more as my home than I do that here. It was not easy to take the bus back...

Tomorrow I will leave for Skien again. Think I haven't been there now for four or five weeks. I can hardly believe it's already that long time ago. If I am right, the study room is finished and the floor in the bedroom is also almost done now. I am looking forward to see it, but also hope that I can relax a little this weekend. Tonight I have been preparing here for being away for some days. It looks like the weather will be very nice, so I better iron some summer clothes tonight. All that is in my mind is this interview on Tuesday... I have started with printing out a couple of things from the web. During the weekend I am without internet, so I had to. This is really important for me! It was nice to hear the support I got on my job; everything for good luck. Also the confirmations that they are sad that I leave anyhow. They hope it will work out, but rather after the summer, when things cool down a little I tell myself: 'let's see what comes', and 'there is no rush', and no, there is none, but as many people that are searching for jobs for months, know: After many rejections, or not hearing anything at all, you get quite low in the feelings. You need to keep yourself up, one way or the other. It's not easy to keep up the believe after so many downs. So, I am preparing in the best way I can, knowing I did what I could :-)

There are some other persons that are preparing: My parents, and Carolien. My parents will leave for Portugal on Monday morning early. They won't stay away for long, but are looking very much forward to this holiday. I will miss them. It's just the idea of not being able to sent them a mail when I want to, and them replying. Hope they will have a wonderful time!
Carolien is coming back to Oslo tomorrow, after six weeks on the Northcape. Don't know if she minds me saying this here, but she has a date tomorrow aswell. A birthday date if I am not wrong, since he has his birthday :-) They had some months very intense contact and will now meet. I hope they will have a very nice day! I asked her to sent me a sms.

Thinking of it.... It's almost difficult to remember how it was without telephone, computers, internet, e-mail, mobiles... And for the older people, without tv (maybe radio?). A lot of persons with a weblogg might not even know how it is to live without...

But certain things never change. As an example: I saw yesterday a movie: 'The Champ'. I saw that movie one time before, seventeen years ago. Just moved out from my parents house, 21 years and a young cat that dropped out of the window from the fourth floor. I was already upset, and watched the movie (on a small black and white tv, that I got from my grand parents), with him on my lap. I cried... Oh, how I cried... Yesterday, seeing the movie again on my big color tv, in another country, living on my own again and with another cat on my lap... I cried.... Oh, how I cried....
I won't say per definition that technology makes things better or easier, because there are enough examples where it doesn't...
I have changed during the years, but certain feelings and emotions won't change. And I am glad for it, because I don't want to change them :-)

Now I better start ironing, while having a CD loud on the stereo to shut out the sound of the washing machine from the neighbours ;-)

Since there is a movie on tv that I want to see, I better keep it short. I had two nice surprises today :-) First I got a really sweet card from Sharon over the post. Words failed me when I read it this morning. Really very sweet. Thanks Sis!!!
And tonight and old ex-colleague from Holland called me. I haven't seen him for years but we always stayed in touch. Gosh, how much fun we had together! He almost offered me a job. Doing the 'inkasso' jobs for him here from Norway hahaha I really had to laugh about it (still smiling about it actually). How good it is to have such dear friends, even if it is on a distance :-)

I also updated the photo albums on my homepage, with pictures of our trip to the west.

Starting to get a little nervous for the interview on Tuesday. Crazy, because it does take another week. Tomorrow I will print out a couple of things that I can bring with me for the weekend, to prepair. I also check out their website better. Been there a couple of times, but it was quite a lot of information.

Tonight I adjusted the pictures, so maybe tomorrow evening I can upload them on my homepage. A lot of people were curious about them. Also on my work :-)